Time to get a little personal. If you're a friend or family member or if you follow me on Twitter, you know I'm not working right now. And I'm kind of losing my mind.
Some background on how I got here: I graduated from university with a degree in communications just over four years ago, graduated from a one year college event management program just over three years ago, and have held two "real and grown up" jobs in non-profits since then. Last fall I decided to take some courses in publishing because, obviously, I love books. I then decided to apply to some internships because I felt like it was a now or never type situation. I was lucky enough to get hired as a publicity intern at Random House of Canada. You can read my full recap here but the short story is that it was a hell of an experience that left me exhausted (ridiculously long commute) but educated. Then I fell into my internship at Project Bookmark Canada (recaps here and here). I loved it there (combined my love of books and reading with my non-profit knowledge) but that too came to an end in June. It's now October and I've been doing nothing but job hunting, reading, blogging, and watching TV and movies since then. Yeah, I know it sounds great but it would be a hell of a lot better if I didn't have to worry about money!
It's been a really hard road the past few months. I go from being angry to depressed to indifferent pretty much weekly (apologies to my boyfriend...I'm sure I'm not fun to live with). It's still not a great time to be looking for jobs which drives me crazy. I was in the same position FOUR years ago when I was applying for jobs straight out of university. I almost think it might have been easier...now I feel like I have a weird mix of too much experience for some things and not enough experience for others. I've been lucky, as people keep telling me, that I've had six interviews over the past three months. But...I've also had five rejections. (The last interview was just on the 11th.) And that hurts. Sure, my resume is getting through but why am I not getting chosen for the position? I've only had one real explanation of all the "thanks but no thanks" replies so I'm left to just guess. When I did get a call I wasn't really given enough time to ask why I wasn't chosen. And let's not even get into the number of jobs I haven't heard from. I've lost count of the places I've applied to. I couldn't even tell you the ones I still have a possibility of hearing from. I'm not sitting around waiting for something to fall into my lap. I'm searching every day and applying where I can.
Part of my problem is that I just don't know what I want to do with my life. I've never really known. I wasn't one of those kids who said "I want to be a 'insert job here' when I grow up!" Hell, I didn't even know what to choose for my major when I went away to school. So, here I am, at 26, still not knowing what I want to be when I grow up. The things I know: I love books, I like writing (but I don't want to write a novel), I could copy-edit but I don't think I'm good enough, I don't mind working for non-profits but I'd really like to stay away from the actual fundraising, I can plan events, I don't think I want to be a librarian (and don't want to go through a Masters program to discover I don't want that), I don't want to live in Toronto (where every single publishing job is in Canada), and I'm good at communications/marketing. So where does that get me? So far...nowhere.
I'm trying really hard to stay positive. I'm so lucky that family members are able to help me out financially and I've got my boyfriend, bunny, and a few friends at home (plus others elsewhere in the province) to keep me from going insane (though I'm sure I talk to Tonks more than necessary...but that's what pets are for, right?).
I'm happy that I've been able to make a huge dent in the books I want to read and have to read and I've been able to blog on a regular basis. I've also watched lots of TV shows and movies. I'm trying to enjoy this as much as I can because I know I'll miss my freedom once I do get a job. But it's still frustrating.
I know I probably rambled and overshared but I felt like this post needed to get out there. If you have any tips or suggestions, I'd love to hear them. I'm sure there's something out there that I haven't considered. Thanks for listening and putting up with me! Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to hunting for a job...
Update: Later on on the 16th, the day this was posted, I got an email telling me I didn't get the job I interviewed for on Friday. My feeling is the manager made the decision right away as he said he had a lot more interviews to do and we had a holiday weekend here. And, it was another email rejection (I've had three phone call rejections, two email, and one snail mail). Not only that, but it was a form one from head office so I actually had to look up which position it was - the one I had interviewed for or the one I hadn't heard from yet. Being completely honest: I didn't want this job. It was retail and I swore when I left almost 3 years ago that I'd never go back. Every time I thought about having to work there again I cringed and got depressed. Guess I don't have to worry about it now...
